the screaming still

at 2:28pm on monday, all of china stopped.

i had heard that at 2:28pm, there would be 3 minutes of silence to remember the many lost and affected by the earthquake exactly a week before. the 3 minutes would be the beginning of a 3 day mourning period where media (other than earthquake coverage) would be shut down. i had heard that cars would honk their horns.

what i did not anticipate, was how very powerful those few moments would be.

at 2:28pm, traffic stood still. people on the sidewalks and streets stood silently in their places. the clusters of bikes were motionless. the tvs all broadcast the same message. the typical over stimulation of noise and movement was suddenly suspended.

there was a brief and surreal moment of perfect silence, and then the screaming began. horns from cars, bikes, ships, etc. began to sound in a continuous wail. i was told they were 'wailing in grief.'

what no one told me, was that the shrill sound of the horns would make it easy to imagine cries born of anguish ... my mind raced to those initial moments of panic ... the searching for loved ones ... the many prayers sent up with urgent desperation. i was not prepared for the ache that would be reawakened from some place just below the surface. i had not heard about what it would be like to spend 3 minutes in the screaming still.

i felt so blessed to be in this exact time and place ... an outsider

and yet, standing among millions

with all of china ...

to honor, to grieve

and to carry with them, a tiny piece of a burden much too large to bear.

pick and roll

i've mentioned that the taxi experience is one of the most frightening for locals and visitors alike.

today i walked to work ... and i must say, it brought it's own set of heart failure moments, along with some sweet-as-milk-tea liberation.

chad and i have discussed the brilliance and craziness of a sneak attack maneuver we witness many times in intersections. when a car makes a left hand turn across traffic lanes, more often than not, other cars will pull into the inside lane along side the first car - using them as a screen for oncoming traffic. like i said, genius with a tablespoon of CRAZY.

i realized this morning that the same method is quite useful on foot. the 'walk' signs mean nothing around here, and pedestrians don't really have the right of way, so outsiders are forced to rely on the experience of locals to navigate the crowded streets. many times, crossing the street involves making bits and bits of progress as cars, bikes, and mopeds move around you. add puddles, and you see why i called it real life frogger.

so this morning, i found myself using a 70 year old woman as a shield. i figured she had done this a few times... and while i like to think i would sacrifice my body to save her if a car came careening at us ... i also think cars are more likely to let her pass than they would me.

i'm pretty sure there is some game with regard to american roadkill. i'm certain i hear the point values being shouted as i run across the road. i never look back, but i know they are slapping the roof and punching each other. rightfully so ... moving an american's clothes with the air from your speeding car is worth at least 50 points.

so i'm wearing running shoes today ... sacrificing fashion for function ... and feeling a little closer to locrazy with each passing day.

english class

the group has deemed lunch time "english class" and we have quite the following. it is so rewarding for me to see the more shy among us begin to gain confidence, each engaging in their own way. in the first days i was here, they looked physically ill when i approached them about something. faces went pale, and panic seeped through their pores like the summer heat had spontaneously showed up. now, they are quietly testing themselves ... most often, pulling me aside to ask questions without an audience. i think my attempts at mandarin have a way of making others feel pretty good about themselves. that, and running around w/ no pants.

i asked hedy to teach me about some communities that nike has within a chinese web portal. little did i know, she would prepare 3 pages of english notes for our meeting. she was so nervous ... i keep telling her that she knows more than she thinks, and that i like practicing with her. today she came to me and told me that she feels she will learn more in a month of practicing with me, than she will in a year of the english classes she takes at night. she said, "it is just that i am sad when i have a feeling in my heart first, and i cannot say it to you." visions of my time in costa rica flood back, and i'm sure my heart has felt the same way.

the topic today was american slang. i told them that one easy way to sound more fluent is to use 'yeah' every now and then instead of 'yes.' they asked about the difference between cool and awesome. and if cool was another word for fashionable, why do people say it in business meetings? also, why do people say one word and mean something else (sarcasm)?

i've noticed that when they are listening on the phone, they make a noise like 'mmph.' it is quick and abrupt. a symphony of 'mmphs' around the office has a pattern that reminds me of "bohemian rhapsody" by queen. i fight daily urges to stand up on my desk and cue in the next section.

i told them they can replace 'mmph' w/ 'uh-huh,' when listening in english.

we talked about the presidential election, the war, bush (officially breaking cultural training rule #1) ... i was a little uncomfortable being their only voice on the subject. then i got over it. now when asked about american politics, they say "dude, vote obama .. he is AWESOME. clinton is so 1998."

by the end of lunch, it didn't matter what i said, the response was ... "uh-huh, COOL!" followed by uncontrollable laughter.

tomorrow, they say, i'm going to learn more mandarin. right, and YOU'RE going to learn how to blow your breakfast up in the office microwave. pants are optional.

earthquake

as many of you have now heard, there was an earthquake in china today. it moved some buildings in shanghai, but things here are relatively normal.

those of you that worry for us should know that today, again, we were well taken care of.

i left the office this afternoon to go to nike for a meeting. it was my first trip to nike alone, so i asked juju and leonie (who i call the mother hen) if they could write the directions for me in mandarin to give to the taxi driver. they were not satisfied until they had written the directions, called a cab, walked me to the cab, and explained to the driver where, exactly, he should take me.

i had a long lunch meeting with one of my clients on the first floor of a building across from nike. because we were on the first floor, we were oblivious to any swaying or shaking that was happening. when we went back to the building, there were many people outside. we assumed they were on their way to a business outing.

we said our goodbyes, and she rushed off to another meeting. i went looking for a cab. a couple of minutes later, she came running back saying there was an earthquake and we should stick together. she didn't have a phone. i did, but i didn't have any local numbers programmed in. we tried to email nike colleagues to no avail. outside the building, things were getting more and more chaotic.

finally, our nike friends came out, and said that leonie had everyone on high alert looking for me. she had called to make sure i was ok. apparently, the sway in our offices was much more prevalent.

i made my way to a restaurant where my co-workers were waiting. they said they were so worried about me, and needed to see me in front of them. :) they then spent the next 1/2 hour programming all of their numbers into my phone.

despite not ever being in any real danger. it meant a lot to me to know that i had so many looking out for me. i felt really protected, and again, so grateful to have these friends.

feeling the effects of the quake in our city brings the tragedy much closer. reading in grandma dale's book about time spent in chongqing, connects us to the people there. it seems good that we see and know the hardship of others in our world. so often it seems distant; it hardly seems real. and yet, perspective brings with it a burden so heavy to bear. we ache as we think of the lives lost. the beautiful faces of china.

a nice day for a ... chinese wedding

this weekend we had the privilege of attending the wedding of one of my co-workers. it was such an honor to be invited. i'm not sure what is 'typical' for chinese weddings, and what was unique for ella and james specifically, but i'll try to give you a quick snapshot (WARNING: quick = long and detailed):

ella and james had actually already been 'married'... so this was the banquet celebration.

upon arrival at the hotel, each of the guests signed a book, and got their picture taken with the bride and groom (prom style). the groom was looking pretty nervous at this point.

ella was wearing a traditional white wedding dress. i've noticed that fashion here tends towards bows, sequins, hello kitty, etc. you know, the 'details'' that make things, well, special. she looked beautiful.

i was a bit nervous about my bare legs (as stockings were in full effect - NUDE stockings, dark stockings, nylons, closed toed shoes, open toed shoes ... you fashionitas get the picture), but ida reassured me that i was fine. probably b/c social transgressions are expected when americans are involved, and therefore easily forgiven. regardless, i was glad i brought a sweater to cover my bare shoulders. meOW.

we sat down in a room with windows all around. the view was breathtaking, looking over the shanghai skyline and the bund (famous waterfront).

chad and i were seated w/ many of my co-workers, including one from london and his wife. that provided for shared commentary, as we all soaked in the experience for the first time. particularly fabulous were the moments when american music laid the backdrop for this sacred event. 'endless love' ... 'i will always love you' (celine) ... 'i do cherish you' ... we stared hard at each other and didn't need words to exchange thoughts. instead, we poured our energy into determining which boy band was responsible for the kind of timeless beauty that transcends international borders.

i couldn't resist throwing my arms around chad's neck and making him dance with me like 7th grade. after that, he asked me to go steady.

there was an 'mc' of sorts that interviewed various family members as well as the groom. then, the music began, and ella came down the aisle singing to her groom. the girls told me that this part was unique for ella, but each bride finds a way to make her ceremony unique. one of the other girls told us she danced at her wedding, etc. when ella and james came together, the 'mc' said a few more things, and the recessional music started ... the same traditional wedding march (mendelssohn) that is played in the states when the couple is announced. i was caught off-guard by the lump in my throat ... my eyes got teary ... and i realized, i didn't have to understand the words to comprehend the moment.

about the food ...

food is put in the middle of a round table, and served on a 'lazy susan' that turns around as each person uses his/her chopsticks to serve themselves. some of you (reeder), who would sooner starve than share a spoon .. may find this style difficult for a long term nourishment plan.

course after course ... it starts with vegetables, then appetizers, then meat, then fish, then chicken, then rice, then dessert. whew. everything was delicious, but we are definitely still getting used to the preparation and presentation style. for example, when i say fish, i mean FISH. last week, the fish was brought to us at the table in a bucket to approve before it was steamed. the process was reminiscent of the tasting before a wine bottle is served to the table. i wondered what i should be looking for. 'um, it's all the way mostly dead? permission to finish him off.' 'no. that's nemo's brother, we can't eat him.'

remember, there are no knives ... so peeling skin, bones, etc. can be tricky w/ chopsticks. at one point, chicken was brought out in a bowl (again, the whole chicken). it was somewhat humorous to all of us, as we tried to pull it apart w/ chopsticks and a dull spoon. graceful? not so much. plenty of photos to come on our various courses. chad laughed at what he described as my 'man-handling' ... i blushed w/ pride as i realized i had taken the first step toward fitting in. GET MINE. or maybe that's just for traffic and supermarkets. oops.

throughout the night, ella changed dresses 3 times (while we were there). i heard rumor of 4. the second was a gold gown ... again, she was gorgeous. the 3rd, a traditional chinese dress. i think this was my favorite. she looked so elegant.

gifts are given in the form of cash. there is a set amount, and it is put into an envelope with a message on the outside. the money is used to pay for the wedding, and the remainder goes to the new couple. makes a lot of sense.

however, what we didn't know, is that a few names would be drawn out of the pile of envelopes. those lucky guests got to be part of a game ... charades of some sort. someone had to be a panda ... someone had to guess what animal he was trying to be. i'm forever grateful that someone was NOT me.

throughout the night, ella and james visited each table for a toast. mostly beer and soft drinks (there is A LOT of coke consumed in this city - haven't seen pepsi) ... i liked this tradition too, as we all got to visit with them, but toasts provided a quick way to make it around a large room.

i asked about a honeymoon, and how long they would be gone. ella thought i was asking how long we had to stay.

stay? oh my ... i feel so lucky to be here, and there is no way i'm going to miss whatever comes next. i fully expect a chinese version of adam sandler to get the dancing started soon.

10 on 10: may

10 photos .. 10 consecutive hours .. on the 10th day of each month (only this time, i miscalculated and did it on YOUR 10th and my 11th.) so here are 11 photos of a shanghai sunday:

real life frogger

may is the rainy month, and we got our first introduction today. i had heard that cabs are hard to come by, and had to chase mine down this morning when he didn't want to wait for me. i'm not sure exactly what he said, but my interpretation of his tone and body language went something like this, "#$A@! i don't know where this address is... (insert another expletive) WHAT!? you don't speak mandarin? such a cute girl with no brains??? what good are you?! (something vicious and foul), i should have left you to jump puddles, and picked up one of the other hundred people flagging a cab...mother told me about AMERICANS. i hate the olympics, etc. etc.

"i just smiled and said, "check, please? SERVER! thank you."

after pulling the map out of the magic bag, and reading him some streets, i think he was very pleased that i graced his presence and introduced him to a brand new office building. i expect he'll be looking for me tomorrow.

some differences

it's funny how we are so quick to make generalizations. maybe the structure of it makes us feel more in control. i've noticed myself doing it since we've arrived, and then reminding myself that my ONE experience is hardly sufficient to determine something about an entire country or people.

still, here are a few things we've experienced that you don't see as often in the U S of A:

mobile phones go everywhere: dinner table, bathroom (every time I've been in the bathroom, there has been a full conversation happening in the stall next to me.), on the scooter, etc.

spitting: lots of spitting. the throat-clearing-work-a-gob-up and hock-a-loogie kind of spitting. it is believed it is healthy to clear the bad things out of your system. healthy for you ... not so much for my sandals.

restaurants: it is expected that you will alert the server when you need something. and the alert goes something like this "SERVER!" .. with your hand raised. you tell them when you are ready to order, when you need more, when you wonder if something has gluten in it, AND when you need the check. we hung out quite some time our first few days here … reluctant to offend by asking for the check. on many occasion we had very awkward staring competitions … "she hates us .. seriously, she is looking RIGHT at me." but then we found out .. it's as simple as raising the hand. just like kindergarten. now if I could just find the carpet square i'm supposed to sit on.

we asked for clarification around protocol, and received the question,

"if you don't raise your hand in the US, how do they know when you need something?"
"they watch you …"
"that sounds very stressful for the server, and for you."
(we won't even bring up the tipping issue)

"yeah, it actually makes a lot more sense this way." "FU WU YUAN!"

when we get back to the states, we'll implement this policy on behalf of the greater good.

things are smaller: the footprints on the moving sidewalk at the airport, BIKES (chad, only today, found one to fit his MAMMOTH frame), bags (most have mini backpacks or carry their wallets. while i…. i aLWays have the magic bag (just in case I need a map, or a book, or a snack, or a tire iron.). the cups are small, which leads me to believe that everyone is dehydrated like me. the kitchens are small (we have a bathroom sink in our kitchen, and my hunch is that we have a pretty good set up). the ovens are non-existent. perhaps, a lot of this makes sense given that a lot of the people are small.

which makes me TALL. that's right. i'm tall.

safety is lACkiNg: no seatbelts in cabs. now, you know how I feel about seatbelts on the rule abiding roadways in the US. with the top notch trauma centers close by. with the doctors who speak english.

but tHEse seatbelt-less cars are lost in a mass of other seatbelt-less cars … and the only rule we can determine is: GET YOURS.

this rule applies to cars, to bikes, to pedestrians, and most definitely, to ikea.

and finally ... the graciousness. this is a generalization that has yet to be challenged. every person i have met is beautifully gracious. every one.

the girls

three girls on my team took me to lunch today. it was a lot of fun to get to know them better, and learn more about their culture and traditions. one from hong kong, one from malaysia, and one from central china, but truly shanghaiese as she has been here for more than 20 years. i could say so much about each of them, and the many ways i am humbled by how they take care of me. from helping me with my mandarin pronunciations (and not accepting the fact that i may need to be reminded again ("no.. you have to know these words. say them again."), to giving me the seat of honor, ordering food based on my needs (after much debate with each other and the waitress about what is safe and what isn't), and insisting that i try all the food first ... not touching theirs until i've confirmed that i like it.

"do you guys eat at this restaurant often?"

"no, just for a very special guest."

we expect and take so much for granted in the US. so many times already, i've been nearly brought to tears as i realize the distance between our 'normals' … and yet, they give to me with none of the bitterness that i would surely have if our positions were reversed.

i asked one sweet friend about siblings. she told me that she didn't have any, not because of the one child law, but because her parents could not afford another child. the thought of not having any one of my brothers b/c my parents literally could not put food in their mouths, is something i can't even begin to grasp. she said she had always wanted a little brother.

"do you have any siblings?"

"yes. i have 3 brothers."

"oh, you are very lucky."

"yes … i am." in so many ways, i am.

every breath you take, every move you make ...

i'll be watching you.

i think i'm officially blocked from blogger. this pains me tremendously, as i rely on many of your blogs to catch a glimpse into your worlds ... and to see the faces i miss. apparently, i can post (my opinions are not influential), but i can't read (as i have a malleable mind and could do some damage armed with the right information?). so, i apologize now for the strange formatting that i won't be able to see, but i'll keep the posts coming. i'm so sd-6.

yesterday was full and strange. we started with a medical exam that consisted of being led (with others) from white room to white room. each one w/ a new face to do a new exam, and check a box on the piece of paper we carried with us. i felt like a 'made in china' toy going through inspection. 'officially defective, and dangerous for children. release!'

highlights included chad closing the door on his needle phobia when he successfully navigated the worst blood draw process this veteran has seen, and the ultrasound lady laughing out loud when looking at his insides. what did she see? we will never know.

we spent the day eating in western restaurants, paying $10 for sparkling water, and cursing our ignorance. we found a western grocery store ... rice milk (yes, tricia) was $7. the same stuff that whole paycheck charges $2 for.

and then, things went downhill fast w/ a trip to ikea. just when you thought ikea couldn't get any worse. over stimulation ... sweat. like mice in a cage. by the time we left we needed supervision in the cab (see previous post). only to get home and realize we have to go back.

not it.

today was my first day at work. it was really a humbling experience to be treated so so graciously. the office is small (27 people), and the culture feels much like old avenue a. it is very collaborative, and there is a good creative energy there. if i continue to learn at the same pace as i did today... at the end of 6mos i will be a genius. it is more likely i collapse at day 7.

i visited kerri at nike, and had my first starbucks in the center of the expat world.

i also had my first traditional shanghaiese food at lunch. royce (my boss and the managing director at e-crusade) ordered everything sans gluten :) it was delicious. and oily. i learned the history behind chopsticks - with many smaller regions within china, sharing food meant friendship. a knife and fork could be used to hurt each other, so chopsticks were used to signify peace. with chopsticks, the table is safe for friends. they are often given as wedding gifts as well, to symbolize 2 joining to work together as one.

we have a few words down in mandarin: hello, check/bill, thank you. you know, the haus basics for eating. tomorrow we'll work on: 'woah! you just almost hit 17 people and there aren't seatbelts in this car!' ... or, 'there was my apartment! if you make a u-turn there is a little drive way you can pull into on the right.'

'or, i'll walk. i wanted to anyway.'

seen and heard

in a cab:

"psychos and drunkards may not ride in taxi without supervision."

in a restaurant:

a tween-aged chinese girl with her family reading an english book - "the truth about guys."

at the medical center for our exam:

"here is robe. take clothes off. only shirt. not pants. your bra. take it OFF!"

jet lag

we made it. the air is moist (and i use that vulgar word appropriately, given the state of my hair as a result). the sky is foggy. we are pretending it is fog anyway. our bodies are tired and puffy.

i had a mini meltdown upon arrival, when i realized that our 'displaced' living style would continue for the next 6mos. our apartment is completely adequate, but there is no storage ... for an OCD afflicted person like myself, that means that i will likely develop an involuntary twitch with each glance at the stacked suitcases and crates that will sit somewhere in broad sight whispering 'you are homeless ... you are an ignorant american who is far from home ... you can't talk to anyone.' i'm sure they will say something like that, anyway. probably in mandarin.

completely sleep deprived, i sunk down in despair and bruised myself on our ROCK hard bed ... i then held both sides of my head to keep it from spinning off my neck. chad thought i was exaggerating until he dislocated his tailbone.

we woke up this morning to a woman's voice over a megaphone. i think she may have been leading aerobics in the park. and then something like chinese bagpipes over a loud speaker. i leaned out the window and was like 'no way, ya'll ... i'm scottish too!' 6am. giddy up.

i'm continually reminded of the excess that we americans live with, and think we need. i'm quoting veruca salt from willy wonka often in my head during my 'princess' moments ... the ones where i have a thought, but know deep down that i am ridiculous. i.e. 'daddy!!! i don't WANT to brush my teeth with filtered water like i'm camping....' or 'daaaaddaaay! i want SOY milk with my double short iced latte..." and so on...

playing out these little scenarios makes the corners of my mouth turn up ever so slightly. then i realize, it's not that funny.

i really do want soy milk.

and so it begins ... our adventure on the other side of the world. we're off to track down some converters.

lost in translation

'shanghai' - 'up, on, or above' and 'sea'

aka. 'queen of the orient', 'paris of the east'.

- wikipedia