not a heck of da lat

in da lat.

it was fun to get a closer view in a less touristy area of vietnam. the surrounding land is beautiful, and the smell of fresh coffee beans fills the air. that is unless, you are in the market. there, the smell of animals fills the air, and i tried really hard to not look at them or what was about to happen to them. it was enough to make a girl a vegetarian.

we had the best pho ever on the street. we questioned the cleanliness of the bowls, chopsticks, and cups we were using, but soon forgot when we tasted what they were holding. a couple of locals sat w/ us, and had some tea.

when they left, the tea cups were put right back in the basket where they started ... ready for the next customer.

i had to deal w/ 2 things in that moment:

1. i had to decide if what i had just done was the equivalent of a. making out w/ the intoxicated, few-toothed man that was just at our table, b. chewing abc gum i found in a public place, c. licking a toilet seat, or d. all of the above.

2. i had to accept the realization that the man that i do kiss on a regular basis, really could care less, and continued to slurp down his pho and the rest of mine.

and then i puked in my mouth a little, and cursed myself for being such a princess.

a 3 day tour

we spent the last few days on a boat called the lagoon explorer 2, in some of the most stunning surroundings we have ever seen ... halong bay.

we were with 3 other couples:

pete and avril were from the UK. pete is a pilot with a eva airlines, so throughout their many years of marriage, they have traveled much, and had many stories to tell about distant places that most haven't even heard of. of course, everything sounds even more terrific w/ a witty english bend. one of my favorites was about the names that some of the taiwanese pilots gave themselves when they were required to use english names. they chose call signs from the boys in the movie top gun. those of you that know the love i have for top gun can imagine my distinct pleasure at the thought of 'maverick, goose and viper' telling the tower in all seriousness, that they are ready for take off. i begged pete to tell maverick that he is dangerous.

phil and samona were from switzerland, and both were translators. between the two, they could speak italian, french, german, english, and bits of mandarin, etc. not bad if you are impressed by that sort of thing. i guess.

rick and sarah were from SEATTLE, and both originally from wisconsin and michigan. rick's parents were from da UP. what are the chances?

our guide's name was hai (pronounced 'hi') which is fitting. upon hearing i was in advertising, he very seriously asked if i would 'advertise him' to help him find a girlfriend. a hopeless romantic, he did everything he could throughout 3 days to show us he was worthy. from leading kayak excursions, to playing his guitar and serenading us with every cheesy american love song known to man ... he always wanted to make sure i was paying attention and noting his skills. "i got it, hai. yes, i'm working on your brand ... have you heard of match.com?"

i think the highlight for both of us was kayaking through fishing villages. in the middle of absolutely no where ... families make their homes on tiny boats and floating docks. they have so little, and i'm not sure the contact that is available with the outside world. some have tvs on the floors in the middle of the empty family living space. it was the radiant little faces that beckoned us closer, and though initially timid, their faces lit up when we showed them the digital display on our camera. they were amazing in their ability to maneuver the boats (even w/ their feet), and they chased us for more, giggling and squealing uncontrollably. their parents welcomed us onto their boats and offered tea and food. how is it that the most generous are so often the ones w/ the least?

i feel really blessed to have visited this gorgeous little pocket of the world, and even more so to have been close enough to catch a glimpse of the sparkle in those precious tiny eyes.

the irony inside

hanoi is a place of contrast. everywhere we look, we see run down buildings stacked on top of one another. they are built very narrow and tall to use the space most efficiently. woven into this fragile looking mosaic, are bursts of color that connect the landscape into something beautiful. there is ornate architecture ... like fossils that hint at different times from deep within their surroundings. there are hard working people with very little ... many of them .. and big BiG smiles.

i wonder when luxury shifted to commonplace. when did "wants" start feeling more like "needs"? i'll admit that i'm most definitely an offender. fashion, as artistic expression, is one of my favorite 'mediums' to obsess on. but when did we start measuring the inside of people with an extrinsic ruler?

as i spend more and more time in places where people don't have the option of stepping onto our scale, its insignificance becomes glaring. because when you take away all the distractions ... clothes, make up, decoration, possessions ... you're left with just people.

and i think that may be the greatest irony of all ...

without anything to obstruct my vision of the spirit ... the people look more beautiful than ever.

and we're off ...

10 weeks, 6 countries, multiple climates, and varying reasons ...

our possessions have been reduced to two backpacks, and it feels already like not enough and too much to carry. with great anticipation, we set out; and seeing many of your faces along the way, may be the thing we are looking most forward to.

more soon from vietnam.

to be fully human, fully myself
to accept all that i am, all that you envision,
this is my prayer.

walk me out to the rim of life,
beyond security.
take me to the exquisite edge of courage
and release me to become.

-sue monk kidd

fall in

it might be the cooler air that eased us into making the decision, but it's official. shanghai will be our home for a while longer. making the decision definitely made things easier, and so did the crossing of the 6 month mark, which we've heard from many, signals the end of the most difficult transition.

so here we are. thankful and missing home... all wrapped into one messy chapter that we are glad is ours.

i am not forfeiting my space to whine. but today, in the blowing leaves of fall, the thanksgiving season feels well placed.

hope

i think the significance of this moment in our history is only beginning to sink in. for years to come, we'll be telling stories of where we were when president obama was elected.

i was in china, in a jam packed american bar called malone's, with my friend margaret, the "best burger in shanghai", and a renewed pride in the country i come from. people from europe, australia, canada, and china congratulated me in the following days. they shared their hope for healthy international relationships, and their thankfulness about a new world leader that they respect. we heard it was the first time that democrats and republicans didn't divide between the 3 floors in malone's. i have a feeling that it was the first time an american election party wasn't limited to americans.

chad was in seattle, and soon found himself among hundreds who took to the streets in celebration. there were people jumping out of cars, strangers hugging, and a shared sense that we've accomplished something ... that we will dare to hope for change ... that we are strong when we are unified.

when i listen to barack obama speak, it is evident to me that he sees the beautiful faces behind the issues that we, as a country, make decisions about. i see conviction, and yet not idealistic ignorance. i watch him wrestle in the midst of no easy answers. i'm inspired by his willingness to sit in the "grey".

this week a chinese friend was asking me my thoughts on the election and obama. she said that the people of china and the international community really wanted obama to win. with a knowing and gracious sincerity, she looked at me and said, "we want what is best for your country. america is the world's leader, and what is good for you, is good for us too."

i had been hearing similar sentiment in the surrounding days of the election, but it was only in that moment that the weighty realization set in. i am humbled by the privilege i have as an american, and by the long reaching impact of my vote.

the result of the election is evidence that we, as a country, have come a long way. and yet, so much ugliness is not so far in our past. i hope this is the beginning of a sensitivity towards perspectives that come from lives unlike our own ... stories often untold, but no less human and no less significant. i hope that we would hold gently our power, that we would listen carefully ... and that we would continue to fight together until all voices are heard as loudly as ours, whether it be across international borders, or right in our own neighborhoods.

the glorious

ah bali, it's been a week with no alarm clock, no straightening iron, and no decisions aside from what bathing suit to put on and where to eat. it has been glorious.

bali has the perfect weather. heat without humidity, a breeze without the chill ... our villa was more outside than in, and the thought of our shanghai return has me mourning the fresh air.

swim, sand, surf, sun, and soccer. the bali life.

i do hope to see you again.

woman vs. sea

this morning, chad went surfing and i went along. we had an instructor named sunny. the english between us didn't come easy, so basically, sunny was there to tow me out, line me up, and yell "STANDING UP!" just before the ocean cannonballed me to next tuesday.

the ocean is both terrifying and exhilarating. typically, for me, i taste the exhilaration, but have terrifying for the main course. so it wasn't a surprise when sunny said, "one more?" and started yelling, "paddling HARD!" just as i caught sight of the biggest wave i'd seen silently building behind me.

in an instant, i was on top of the world. (exhilaration: check)

and then i did it. the unforgivable sin. i looked down. (entree is served)

i looked down just in time to see the nose of my board getting sucked down into an elephant sized drain, and i'm pretty sure i led the way. it was then, with monstrous authority, that the ocean reminded me who was in charge and thanked me for playing.

some of my girls want to go to surf camp this spring in costa rica.

tal vez mujeres ... tal vez.

international currency

it's an unlikely assortment. local bali is here. most young, likely having run to their mopeds at the school day end, and made their way to the beach for their nightly game just before sunset. a few from italy, can say no more than where they come from. chad found them with their make shift goals on the first night we were in bali, and ever since ... his mind is here when he knows they will be.

tonight we walked down the beach soaking in the salt and sand, and along the way, saw the little groups of boys fully in their element. they wear their jerseys, they build goals in the sand, and they come to play ... every night. their broad and carefree smiles declare perfect contentment. their uncontained laughter is evidence of the life giving energy they pass between them with bare feet and a ball. as we walk, the players get bigger, the goals more official ... and as a girl who spends many hours thinking about how best to communicate the essence of sport, i'm keenly aware that i'm witnessing its purest form.

then we come upon chad's crew. they have nearly full teams, goals made of pvc, and an audience. in an instant, he is waved across the sideline and into their world.

just like that.

i'm envious of his skill .. the international currency of instant camaraderie. and i'm proud of him. i've watched a lot of games, and i never get tired. his ability earns respect, but it's the quiet wisdom, generous strength, and new perspective i notice now. tonight, in the precious few moments before the bali sun sets, i know that this is some of the best of life.

dating shanghai

i've realized that trying to make a decision to stay or leave shanghai is like deciding whether to break up with someone or marry them.

in the midst of decision, every insignificant characteristic is magnified ... each a check on a never resolving list of pros and cons:

- nearly getting run off the road on my bike by mopeds who want to play chicken: go

- sharing a meal w/ amazing women from all over the world in my cooking class: stay

- getting hit in the face w/ random liquid while walking in the street: go

- meeting the smiling eyes of a worn and knowing local face: stay

- watching a woman ignored after a moped accident: go

- cheap and perfect pedi: stay

- fleas and water: go

- feeling helpless under the wrath of my mandarin teacher: go

- understanding a conversation in mandarin: stay

- opportunity for travel: stay

- longing for health and cleanliness: go

and so it goes ... and i've not even touched the career implications for both of us.

it's tiring, this place of swinging. do i commit to her ... with all her beauty and flaws? or do i go my own way ... knowing my life is more rich having known her?

grace

my chinese teacher, marina, got canned. at least i prefer to think so, but it is entirely possible that after my "assessment" she decided i wasn't teachable. perhaps there was a conversation about the incorrigible "mei guo ren" (american), and they drew straws; and the new girl lost. perhaps they had to come up with an english name for the new girl because they knew the american could not pronounce her chinese name, and so they picked GRACE. fitting? i think so.

except for the fact that grace, is not so gracious. i think she is very sweet on the inside, but her lack of english eloquence tests my confidence and patience each time i go to class.

for example, (which she says all the time before giving an example that isn't an example) ... "it's like the "b" and "p" in the english alphabet ... they sound the same, but they are different letters." right. thanks, that cleared it all up for me, except b and p don't at all sound the same. they LOOK the same, if you are an upside down dyslexic.

she says things like "i told you!" or "we learn this!" (which means we learnED this) ... and reminds me continuously, that she has apparently taught me something already. if i answer a question wrong, she says "NO!!!" after a string of no's last week, my fist inadvertently slammed the table in response to her scolding. today while practicing the pronunciation of sentences, she said "NO! pay attention to the tones!!!" i was thinking of all the things she should pay attention to.

this kind of lost in translation abuse has a tendency to run the "system save" program in my brain, which includes releasing messages such as: "you were a GOOD student. your mom and dad do NOT think you are dumb. you are old, and losing your mind is normal. you LOOK a lot younger than you are. and so on ..."

my favorite part of chinese class is that she ends each session with, "so much for today." she means, "that was a lot to learn for one day" ... but that doesn't change my desire to punch her face each time she says it.

a few weeks ago, i had a particularly good lesson. at the end she said, "time is up."

yes, grace, it is. i think it may be time to find out who drew the second shortest straw.

alliteration

somewhat surprising sights seen on a suffocating sauna of a saturday in shanghai ...

1. "showers" - an older woman wearing a disposable shower cap to keep her hair looking fine.

2. "sitting" - a husky sized dog on a moped w/ a guy.

3. "slides" - 2 moped accidents where all hesitate to help b/c they could be blamed.

and most shocking of all? a man who was cab-competing with me in the rain, stood back, and let me have it.

"xie xie (shea shea) chivalrous sir."

observing the sabbath

a friend who has lived in shanghai for 9 years told me last week that every now and then, you have to spend a day in your apartment, watch movies, and do nothing. he said it is necessary for survival to have a day where "everything works." i told him that i wasn't sure i could afford any more tv series addictions, but that he made me feel very justified in my previous weekend activities.

we had different expectations of this weekend, and spent saturday riding everywhere our bikes would take us (more later on my bike, because it is my favorite chinese possession). we had a greasy american breakfast at a greasy american bar. we sat outside in the now gorgeous weather, to have coffee and eat some more. and ... we had a 2 hour massage. b/c really, for $15, why wouldn't you?

maybe because massage has a way of bringing out all the bad things lingering in your system ... and despite drinking a case of sparkling water, those "things" caught up to us. on sunday, we had plans to go to the rock climbing gym, but we took a nap instead. instead of exploring the city, we explored recipes on the internet. and at the end of the day, it was pizza we wanted. so we made one. i don't know if it was the withdrawal after 4 months without it, or the satisfaction of achieving gourmet goodness with half of the ingredients and tools required ... but it was the BEST pizza we have ever had. and yes, entirely gluten free.

c: this is the best pizza ever.

b: i burned the roof of my mouth off, and it was worth it.

c: you are a chinese gluten free gourmet chef.

b: YOU are an italian, gluten free, organic, free range, gourmet chef.

c: let's open wine and pretend we are in tuscany.

b: i love the sabbath in tuscany.

shock and vent

they say that "culture shock" has waves of ups and downs. in the beginning, differences are endearing and the experience of everything is a new and exciting adventure. with some settling, you begin to notice the inconveniences a bit more clearly, and lament the fact that this is your life. welcome.

then things get easier, and you find yourself wishing that this part of your story had a few more chapters ... the beauty and experience don't shield the difficulty, but they make it worthwhile.

and then there was THIS week. it may have been a valley in the culture shock terrain, but i was pouty and missing home.

chad was in seattle. he went to be with our close friends on their wedding day (congrats ben and taryn) :). many of our dearest friends and family were in there at the same time for the celebration. despite getting more than my fair share of vacation this year, i was fully dedicated to playing my role as the victim ... after all, i had nothing to do w/ our decision to come to china and had NO idea the sacrifices we would have to make as a result of being kidnapped and taken away... "shanghai'd" i think they call it.

being alone in china reminds me how far away i am. you are sleeping while i'm awake, and i go to sleep when most of you are too groggy to talk. if you aren't too groggy to talk, you are a morning person, and we probably don't have that much to talk about. the lack of fluid english conversation starts to erode my vocabulary and leaves me speaking in incorrect sentences. i think they are incorrect anyway, no tell anymore i can't. when i'm at work, i imagine all the things i will do with my time off. and when the weekend comes, i struggle to muster the energy to brave the logistics of it all. needless to say, i embraced the counterfeit dvd culture this week ... i am now officially addicted to 24.

this week we had a storm like nothing i've ever experienced. deafening thunder echoed from another universe behind the sky, and lightening cracked through clouds and trees and anything else it found along the way. the rains came as though heaven had been saving water for a drought, and our streets turned into rivers. on monday morning, i stayed home from work. i posted a note on twitter about needing a boat to get to the office, and you can see from the picture above, i was only exaggerating a little.

that night, i was about to go to bed and pulled back the covers on our bed to discover that the colony of tiny fleas that had been around the edges of our room had now found a home much more cozy. they seemed to be having a great time, and apparently, i had interrupted them. i promptly took my pity party to the spare bedroom.

the next morning i awoke to water pouring through our bathroom ceiling. i'm unclear as to whether or not it was from the storm, or from new neighbors staying in the apartment above ours. either way, i had to laugh at this point. "dear God, it's me, rebecca. now done can we be?"

this weekend some of my favorite girls got together for a weekend on the lake. a lake in michigan ... a lake like the ones i spent so much time on during summers growing up. they called to say hi, and it was so good to hear their voices. then my little bro texted me w/ plans for me to come to seattle. tomorrow. their wedding reception in seattle is this weekend.

i distracted the ache w/ some more 24.

we are in the midst of trying to make a decision to stay in china for an additional 6mos. there are many great opportunities and reasons to do so. there are a lot of great reasons to come home too.

"so God, are the mini plagues a message? or ... is there a mountain up ahead?"

i guess time will tell ... and chad coming home tonight will help too. in the meantime, i'll put on my big girl skirt and get back to work. someone has to save the digital world.

the human race

this morning i joined runners across the world in the largest race ever. nike puts on a good event, and the human race was no exception. however, i saw some things in china that i bet you didn't see in your cities:

1. shoes of the NON-running variety. everything from converse to basketball high tops, to dunks ... you name it, they ran 6.2 miles in it.
2. jeans.
3. skirts: tiered ruffle and tennis alike.
3. couples holding hands while running.
4. umbrellas.
5. backpacks.

and this was not an anomaly. these sightings were consistent throughout the race.

despite not training ... at ALL ... it was good to be running again. it's amazing how the cross country girl in me comes out as soon as the gun signals the start. it's also slightly frightening. my self preserving mind laughs at the boys that sprint out of the gate, eager to lead the pack. inwardly, i tell them that i'll be seeing them again, and although my body has nothing on theirs, my psyche will roll them up and send them back to the starting line with the next pass. i hear my coach in my head ... "drop your shoulders ... lengthen the stride ... pick em off, one by one..."

it hurt a lot more than it used to, and just when i was cursing myself for not training and scolding my condescending and prematurely cocky mind ... i passed vans kid who had run out of steam ... and then trouser socks ... and then guy that doesn't want to get passed by a girl (who sprinted valiantly for another second before accepting his defeat).

i didn't race well. it didn't feel good. afterwards, our team looked like we escaped from the very senior citizens home. but those few small victories were all i needed ... i left with my pride in tact, and happy to know that this granny's still got (a little) game.

eight

it's not what i expected.

somehow i thought that the whole of beijing would be walking just a few inches off the ground ... eyes filled with wonder ... hearts open to embracing the new and the different ... "it's a small world after all" would be played on loud speakers while we held hands and rode a mini bus around the city. i imagined that anticipation and excitement would bubble and pass between shiny happy people who need no language outside of sport to be united.

well, it was sort of like that. it just took some work to find it.

beijing is looking its best. with a new fleet of cabs (some of them even pulled out the seatbelts), lush green adorning every empty space, clean streets, fresh paint, and some clear government mandates when it comes to "normal behavior" (i.e. spitting, crack crazy driving, pjs in public, etc.). the city has contradicted all of my expectations.

we learned quickly that tickets are hard to come by. scalping is apparently, a full time and lucrative business in china, and the prices were outrageous on the streets outside of the olympic park. chad and i got there early on the morning of phelp's quest for number 8. if there was ever a time we had to pull out all of our best negotiation skills, this was it. we are typically a good team, but after 2.5 hours and only a glimmer of one ticket (before it was snatched away in return for more money than we were offering), we were within minutes of the race, and beginning to accept our destiny. we were going to have to sacrifice our system of values to get it done.

that's when chris and lynn of california stepped out of a cab. chad casually asked them if they had extra tickets. they said they had 2. he made them a quick offer and shoved money into their hands as the curious crowd closed in around us. an hour had passed since the event start, and we RAN. in sweaty disbelief, we settled into the best possible seats alongside family members of many of the athletes. the sweetest little lady sat next to me giving me the run down of her "boys" from the states. "oh, aaron peirsol, he's my favorite. he did it the other night, and he'll do it again. don't you worry."

she talked ... and i watched dara win 2 silver medals at age 41. she talked some more, and i watched michael phelps make history. i'm a sucker for sports moments, and it doesn't take much to bring tears, but this was beyond my expectation. there was magic in the water cube.

i still have a lump in my throat.

8.8.8

my brothers are perfect. well, i think so anyway, and as the oldest child in our family, i'm always right.

so being that i really do think each one is individually incredible, you can imagine my difficulty in believing there is a girl deserving of any one of them.

and then there is danny. i'm not actually sure if i've ever fought with danny. i surely have done things that have warranted abuse from him, but his laid back calm has a way of disarming the most willful antagonist. i love his selfless sensitivity. i love the way he SEES people. i love his style ... the effortless combinations all his own. i love it when people stare disapprovingly at his hairstyles (face and/or head), and it in no way threatens to affect his self image. i don't always love his hair.

so when i heard about a girl named katie, and it was clear he was serious, i wasn't so sure. "kadee" is our dog's name, so right there is an obvious problem.

and then i got to know her. she loves her brothers fiercely. her brand of sarcasm balanced with a love for the girly made it clear that she too, was well adept at surviving in a land of boys. she knows what it is to be your parent's only daughter. she loves dave and jonny almost as much as i do, but will always take my side. i love that she and chad are allies in a sea of niffin perfection. :) me v. c? she still takes my side. it's as though she has always been there.

she loves danny. she fosters the things that make him who his is. she sometimes makes him shave his mustache. at some point, she crossed from danny's girlfriend, to my friend, to my sister of her own right. we gave the dog a new name.

so on 8.8.8 ... i was bURSting with joy for 2 of the people that i love the most, who made the choice to love each other. each day. forever.

congratulations danny and kate. we are all blessed by you.

http://www.benharrisonphotography.com/slideshows/dannyandkatie/

10 reasons i can't wait to be on the other side of the lake

revelation

today at lunch there was a conversation happening that was clearly about me. i'm getting more adept at knowing these things. i asked ida what they were talking about. she said she was telling royce how she makes sure that restaurants take my gluten allergy seriously.

"how do you do it?"

"i look at them very seriously, and tell them that you are my boss and if anything happens to you, i'll lose my job."

this is only the beginning of the many reasons why i LOVE this girl.

10 on 10: july

i couldn't take pictures on the 10th this month, as our camera was with chad in tibet. he spent several days with nomads who live only on what is provided by the yaks they raise. he was, for many, one of the few white people they had seen. he introduced them to the frisbee, blackberry, and digital camera. they showed him how to ride a yak, get heat from yak dung, and served him yak butter with yak milk. while he was there, he took pictures that made me want to marry him all over again. so here is this month's 10 on 10:

i don't want to go to hell

today we were discussing the weather, which felt very comfortable to me, despite the temperature being similiar to weeks past. hoping that i was getting used to it ... i said, "is it cooler than usual today, or am i adjusting?"

"it's cooler."

"ah, shoot. i had hoped that i was getting less sensitive to the heat."

"no, it will get so much hotter. you won't be able to breathe." "it is ... how do i compare it??

... it is like hell."

"hmmm... so in english, hell would be like a fiery place of eternal suffering and punishment. i'm not sure the chinese interpretation is so harsh."

"yep. it will be like the english one."

perspective

girls from detroit know some things about cars. they know how to drive them, for one. they know what to do with jumper cables, can coax a slipping transmission into submission, and will tell you that the CLUNK coming from under the car when you turn is likely the result of a problem w/ the CV boot joint. and while our grandpas think we have lead feet, and should change the oil more regularly ... one thing we all agree on, is that we nEVer drive with a flutter foot.

so this morning on my way to the airport, the driver was doing just that. his shiny little shoe was tapping the gas to the rhythm of some song i couldn't hear. accelerate. coast. accelerate. coast. he was in his groove, and when we were up close to 130km/hr and zipping through cars, i wondered if in his mind he was racing towards the finish of a real life super mario cart grand championship. i wasn't sure if he knew how close he was to winning my breakfast in his back seat.

then it occurred to me that the flutter foot may aCTuaLLy be a sign of a highly skilled driver in shanghai ... one who has to be ready, at any moment, for anything ... and therefore has to always be somewhere between slamming the brakes or jamming the accelerator to the floor?.?.

i never concluded my thoughts on this theory, but when we arrived at the airport, i knew that i had been escorted by an angel ... either in the form of my driver, or because of him.

i crossed "cardio workout" off my list, as i had clearly gotten a good 45 minutes, and was so thankful that statistically, my odds for survival looked so much better for the remainder of the trip.

SF, come to mama.

a typical cab experience

me: "huashan lu hunan lu" (my cross streets)

him: "huashan lu hunan lu?"

me: "dui. huashan lu hunan lu." (affirmative ... my cross streets)

him: "huashan lu hunan lu?"

me: "dui." (i hand him a map from my apt).

him: "ooooohhhh! huashan lu hunan lu!!!"

me: that's what i said. you act like i'm speaking chinese.

10 on 10: june

a day at the office...

FAT ... without a P

twice in the same week:

korean man on train to japan: you have family? married 8 year? you must marry when teenager. you look like university student.

me: i'm 31, but i'll thank my acne and my slipping fashion sense for that compliment.

kmottj: 31! usually american 31 look-a-like-a BIG MAMA (he says this while using his hands to shape the female curves)

me: yeah, i wasn't allowed to have food until i officially stunted my growth.

in a cab:

ida: 'let's bake in your oven.'

me: 'ok, what do you want to bake?'

ida: 'cookies. but cookies in china are much smaller than america. in new york, i saw cookies THIS big!'

me: 'yeah, there is no end to our excessiveness.'

ida: 'but i don't understand how you are thin? you are thin compared to most americans?'

me: 'yeah? do elaborate on my amazing physique.'

ida: 'in london, i see people both of me. but in new york, i see people THREE of me!'

me: (laughing hysterically at this point) 'americans are fat.'

ida: 'SO fat!'

me: (now crying and unable to speak)

ida: 'did i offend when i say fat?'

me: 'no... no... i'm laughing at the way you said it. you are adorable. and you are correct. sometimes the truth hurts.'

ida: ???

me: 'never mind.'

there was a teacher taught chinese, marina was her name-la

today some very official people visited our office. there was some discussion, and royce said, "rebecca, your chinese teacher is here. go in for an assessment." i looked at my british friend, oliver (who studies mandarin as a full time student), and said, "assessment of what? mental sanity? ability to communicate w/ charades? ability to eat oily chinese food w/ chopsticks and no napkin? cake walk."

i went into the room, and the instructor said, "ni hao, insert many other words i don't know that likely total to be a formal introduction." i said, "ni hao. i don't know any chinese, so i don't know what you said after that."

"NO chinese?"

"maybe 5 words that mostly relate to food. can you tell me how to say HAUS in chinese?"

shocked and amazed, it took them a moment to recover. the 'ass-essment' was clear, and we made a plan to start my lessons.

i came out and told oliver i failed.

'i didn't see that coming." was his response. "what did you say to them? 'can i have my bill?'"

"pretty much."

FEAR does not exist in this dojo, does it!?!

sadly, my only reference to japan before last weekend was karate kid 2. ironically, a few days before we left, it was on HBO (and apparently not entertaining enough to block during earthquake coverage). the question i have is this: when did the man i remember as daniel larusso turn into a boy?? last i checked, his bulging muscles were strong enough for any challenge ... he was wise and mature ... he could drive a car ... and i wanted him to be the man that would fight for my honor.

when i got older, i also wanted him to take me to the prom.

this time, when sensei no mercy tells johnny to 'sweep the leg,' i screamed at the tv ... 'no!!! he's just a child!' but then again, what child is named 'ralph' in real life?

japan lived up to all my expectations, and then some. i stepped off the plane to clear air and the smell of donuts. it is lush ... the climate comfortable, and i do believe it to be an OCD paradise. here's why:

there are rules. people with OCD like rules. even better, the japanese actually follow them.

there is no jaywalking. on streets with no cars, we watched groups of people wait for the walk sign to signal their right of passage.

stand on the right ... walk on the left. when everyone does it, it works.

there is discipline.

trains are not late, and you don't talk on the phone while you are on them.

tokyo, as a whole, is quiet ... a stark contrast to the vegas like stimulation in shanghai. the streets are IMMACULATE. this is the single craziest thing. i am a germaphobe ... but i tell you, if i were homeless, i would spange until i could buy a ticket to japan. i'm pretty sure i would eat off the streets, and i almost got the chance. while walking w/ scott and the baby grizz (scott, nicole, and bg are cousins who have been in japan for some time now, and graciously welcomed us for a long weekend), little graham thought it hilarious to dump his baggie of cheerios from his perch on scott's shoulders. chad, scott and i traded uncomfortable glances, getting the distinct feeling we had committed an unforgivable sin. we used our feet to try to move the cheerios off the walkway. within seconds, the shopkeeper came out to tell us our efforts were not acceptable. he and scott exchanged words before he produced a broom and dustpan, demanding we clean our mess. after we had finished, i noticed him doing it again ...

despite the streets being clean, there are no shoes in houses.

there are mountains, and water ... the freshest sushi ... and you can drink from the tap. there is fashion and art, and old school bikes with baskets of all sizes. you can walk through the subway w/ your bag open, and during a hike, we saw un-manned vegetable stations w/ little bowls to collect payment.

with government implemented 'relaxed summer dress code policies' to help businesses save energy on AC, and no public garbage cans (as everyone is expected to take care of their own waste - in 17 different types of recycling cans), i'm thoroughly impressed at what is possible when a community works together.

japan, i heart you. and i hope to be back soon to roam barefoot on your meticulously laid brick streets.

living under the sun

i've been quiet. mostly because i didn't know how to follow a post like my last. i still don't. it seems an unnatural transition to move into conversation around anything else when tragedy sits unresolved. it is a strange dichotomy ... the world turning, as it always has, when so many of its parts are broken.

i continue to learn this lesson ... the holding of two things that appear to contradict, but don't cancel one another. there is pain. there is beauty. both undeniable. both simultaneously whole.

i typically fixate on the negative ... so much so, that beauty lives only in its shadows, and tragedy becomes evidence to support my worst fears. in that middle place, i miss what sheldon vanauken calls the "heights and the depths" ... and worse, i miss genuine connection along the way. ecclesiastes calls it 'living under the sun' ... the perspective through eyes that cannot see beyond this earth.

so as scary as it is, i want to chose authenticity ... knowing that pain is inevitable ... and soaking in the contrasting joy that hints at what is to come.

'you can hold back from the suffering of the world. you have free permission to do so and it is in accordance with your nature. but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could have avoided.' - kafka

'if there were a choice -- and he suspected there was -- a choice between, on one hand, the heights and the depths and, on the other hand, some sort of sage, cautious middle way, he, for one, here and now chose the heights and the depths.' - a severe mercy (sheldon vanauken)

the screaming still

at 2:28pm on monday, all of china stopped.

i had heard that at 2:28pm, there would be 3 minutes of silence to remember the many lost and affected by the earthquake exactly a week before. the 3 minutes would be the beginning of a 3 day mourning period where media (other than earthquake coverage) would be shut down. i had heard that cars would honk their horns.

what i did not anticipate, was how very powerful those few moments would be.

at 2:28pm, traffic stood still. people on the sidewalks and streets stood silently in their places. the clusters of bikes were motionless. the tvs all broadcast the same message. the typical over stimulation of noise and movement was suddenly suspended.

there was a brief and surreal moment of perfect silence, and then the screaming began. horns from cars, bikes, ships, etc. began to sound in a continuous wail. i was told they were 'wailing in grief.'

what no one told me, was that the shrill sound of the horns would make it easy to imagine cries born of anguish ... my mind raced to those initial moments of panic ... the searching for loved ones ... the many prayers sent up with urgent desperation. i was not prepared for the ache that would be reawakened from some place just below the surface. i had not heard about what it would be like to spend 3 minutes in the screaming still.

i felt so blessed to be in this exact time and place ... an outsider

and yet, standing among millions

with all of china ...

to honor, to grieve

and to carry with them, a tiny piece of a burden much too large to bear.

pick and roll

i've mentioned that the taxi experience is one of the most frightening for locals and visitors alike.

today i walked to work ... and i must say, it brought it's own set of heart failure moments, along with some sweet-as-milk-tea liberation.

chad and i have discussed the brilliance and craziness of a sneak attack maneuver we witness many times in intersections. when a car makes a left hand turn across traffic lanes, more often than not, other cars will pull into the inside lane along side the first car - using them as a screen for oncoming traffic. like i said, genius with a tablespoon of CRAZY.

i realized this morning that the same method is quite useful on foot. the 'walk' signs mean nothing around here, and pedestrians don't really have the right of way, so outsiders are forced to rely on the experience of locals to navigate the crowded streets. many times, crossing the street involves making bits and bits of progress as cars, bikes, and mopeds move around you. add puddles, and you see why i called it real life frogger.

so this morning, i found myself using a 70 year old woman as a shield. i figured she had done this a few times... and while i like to think i would sacrifice my body to save her if a car came careening at us ... i also think cars are more likely to let her pass than they would me.

i'm pretty sure there is some game with regard to american roadkill. i'm certain i hear the point values being shouted as i run across the road. i never look back, but i know they are slapping the roof and punching each other. rightfully so ... moving an american's clothes with the air from your speeding car is worth at least 50 points.

so i'm wearing running shoes today ... sacrificing fashion for function ... and feeling a little closer to locrazy with each passing day.

english class

the group has deemed lunch time "english class" and we have quite the following. it is so rewarding for me to see the more shy among us begin to gain confidence, each engaging in their own way. in the first days i was here, they looked physically ill when i approached them about something. faces went pale, and panic seeped through their pores like the summer heat had spontaneously showed up. now, they are quietly testing themselves ... most often, pulling me aside to ask questions without an audience. i think my attempts at mandarin have a way of making others feel pretty good about themselves. that, and running around w/ no pants.

i asked hedy to teach me about some communities that nike has within a chinese web portal. little did i know, she would prepare 3 pages of english notes for our meeting. she was so nervous ... i keep telling her that she knows more than she thinks, and that i like practicing with her. today she came to me and told me that she feels she will learn more in a month of practicing with me, than she will in a year of the english classes she takes at night. she said, "it is just that i am sad when i have a feeling in my heart first, and i cannot say it to you." visions of my time in costa rica flood back, and i'm sure my heart has felt the same way.

the topic today was american slang. i told them that one easy way to sound more fluent is to use 'yeah' every now and then instead of 'yes.' they asked about the difference between cool and awesome. and if cool was another word for fashionable, why do people say it in business meetings? also, why do people say one word and mean something else (sarcasm)?

i've noticed that when they are listening on the phone, they make a noise like 'mmph.' it is quick and abrupt. a symphony of 'mmphs' around the office has a pattern that reminds me of "bohemian rhapsody" by queen. i fight daily urges to stand up on my desk and cue in the next section.

i told them they can replace 'mmph' w/ 'uh-huh,' when listening in english.

we talked about the presidential election, the war, bush (officially breaking cultural training rule #1) ... i was a little uncomfortable being their only voice on the subject. then i got over it. now when asked about american politics, they say "dude, vote obama .. he is AWESOME. clinton is so 1998."

by the end of lunch, it didn't matter what i said, the response was ... "uh-huh, COOL!" followed by uncontrollable laughter.

tomorrow, they say, i'm going to learn more mandarin. right, and YOU'RE going to learn how to blow your breakfast up in the office microwave. pants are optional.

earthquake

as many of you have now heard, there was an earthquake in china today. it moved some buildings in shanghai, but things here are relatively normal.

those of you that worry for us should know that today, again, we were well taken care of.

i left the office this afternoon to go to nike for a meeting. it was my first trip to nike alone, so i asked juju and leonie (who i call the mother hen) if they could write the directions for me in mandarin to give to the taxi driver. they were not satisfied until they had written the directions, called a cab, walked me to the cab, and explained to the driver where, exactly, he should take me.

i had a long lunch meeting with one of my clients on the first floor of a building across from nike. because we were on the first floor, we were oblivious to any swaying or shaking that was happening. when we went back to the building, there were many people outside. we assumed they were on their way to a business outing.

we said our goodbyes, and she rushed off to another meeting. i went looking for a cab. a couple of minutes later, she came running back saying there was an earthquake and we should stick together. she didn't have a phone. i did, but i didn't have any local numbers programmed in. we tried to email nike colleagues to no avail. outside the building, things were getting more and more chaotic.

finally, our nike friends came out, and said that leonie had everyone on high alert looking for me. she had called to make sure i was ok. apparently, the sway in our offices was much more prevalent.

i made my way to a restaurant where my co-workers were waiting. they said they were so worried about me, and needed to see me in front of them. :) they then spent the next 1/2 hour programming all of their numbers into my phone.

despite not ever being in any real danger. it meant a lot to me to know that i had so many looking out for me. i felt really protected, and again, so grateful to have these friends.

feeling the effects of the quake in our city brings the tragedy much closer. reading in grandma dale's book about time spent in chongqing, connects us to the people there. it seems good that we see and know the hardship of others in our world. so often it seems distant; it hardly seems real. and yet, perspective brings with it a burden so heavy to bear. we ache as we think of the lives lost. the beautiful faces of china.

a nice day for a ... chinese wedding

this weekend we had the privilege of attending the wedding of one of my co-workers. it was such an honor to be invited. i'm not sure what is 'typical' for chinese weddings, and what was unique for ella and james specifically, but i'll try to give you a quick snapshot (WARNING: quick = long and detailed):

ella and james had actually already been 'married'... so this was the banquet celebration.

upon arrival at the hotel, each of the guests signed a book, and got their picture taken with the bride and groom (prom style). the groom was looking pretty nervous at this point.

ella was wearing a traditional white wedding dress. i've noticed that fashion here tends towards bows, sequins, hello kitty, etc. you know, the 'details'' that make things, well, special. she looked beautiful.

i was a bit nervous about my bare legs (as stockings were in full effect - NUDE stockings, dark stockings, nylons, closed toed shoes, open toed shoes ... you fashionitas get the picture), but ida reassured me that i was fine. probably b/c social transgressions are expected when americans are involved, and therefore easily forgiven. regardless, i was glad i brought a sweater to cover my bare shoulders. meOW.

we sat down in a room with windows all around. the view was breathtaking, looking over the shanghai skyline and the bund (famous waterfront).

chad and i were seated w/ many of my co-workers, including one from london and his wife. that provided for shared commentary, as we all soaked in the experience for the first time. particularly fabulous were the moments when american music laid the backdrop for this sacred event. 'endless love' ... 'i will always love you' (celine) ... 'i do cherish you' ... we stared hard at each other and didn't need words to exchange thoughts. instead, we poured our energy into determining which boy band was responsible for the kind of timeless beauty that transcends international borders.

i couldn't resist throwing my arms around chad's neck and making him dance with me like 7th grade. after that, he asked me to go steady.

there was an 'mc' of sorts that interviewed various family members as well as the groom. then, the music began, and ella came down the aisle singing to her groom. the girls told me that this part was unique for ella, but each bride finds a way to make her ceremony unique. one of the other girls told us she danced at her wedding, etc. when ella and james came together, the 'mc' said a few more things, and the recessional music started ... the same traditional wedding march (mendelssohn) that is played in the states when the couple is announced. i was caught off-guard by the lump in my throat ... my eyes got teary ... and i realized, i didn't have to understand the words to comprehend the moment.

about the food ...

food is put in the middle of a round table, and served on a 'lazy susan' that turns around as each person uses his/her chopsticks to serve themselves. some of you (reeder), who would sooner starve than share a spoon .. may find this style difficult for a long term nourishment plan.

course after course ... it starts with vegetables, then appetizers, then meat, then fish, then chicken, then rice, then dessert. whew. everything was delicious, but we are definitely still getting used to the preparation and presentation style. for example, when i say fish, i mean FISH. last week, the fish was brought to us at the table in a bucket to approve before it was steamed. the process was reminiscent of the tasting before a wine bottle is served to the table. i wondered what i should be looking for. 'um, it's all the way mostly dead? permission to finish him off.' 'no. that's nemo's brother, we can't eat him.'

remember, there are no knives ... so peeling skin, bones, etc. can be tricky w/ chopsticks. at one point, chicken was brought out in a bowl (again, the whole chicken). it was somewhat humorous to all of us, as we tried to pull it apart w/ chopsticks and a dull spoon. graceful? not so much. plenty of photos to come on our various courses. chad laughed at what he described as my 'man-handling' ... i blushed w/ pride as i realized i had taken the first step toward fitting in. GET MINE. or maybe that's just for traffic and supermarkets. oops.

throughout the night, ella changed dresses 3 times (while we were there). i heard rumor of 4. the second was a gold gown ... again, she was gorgeous. the 3rd, a traditional chinese dress. i think this was my favorite. she looked so elegant.

gifts are given in the form of cash. there is a set amount, and it is put into an envelope with a message on the outside. the money is used to pay for the wedding, and the remainder goes to the new couple. makes a lot of sense.

however, what we didn't know, is that a few names would be drawn out of the pile of envelopes. those lucky guests got to be part of a game ... charades of some sort. someone had to be a panda ... someone had to guess what animal he was trying to be. i'm forever grateful that someone was NOT me.

throughout the night, ella and james visited each table for a toast. mostly beer and soft drinks (there is A LOT of coke consumed in this city - haven't seen pepsi) ... i liked this tradition too, as we all got to visit with them, but toasts provided a quick way to make it around a large room.

i asked about a honeymoon, and how long they would be gone. ella thought i was asking how long we had to stay.

stay? oh my ... i feel so lucky to be here, and there is no way i'm going to miss whatever comes next. i fully expect a chinese version of adam sandler to get the dancing started soon.

10 on 10: may

10 photos .. 10 consecutive hours .. on the 10th day of each month (only this time, i miscalculated and did it on YOUR 10th and my 11th.) so here are 11 photos of a shanghai sunday: