i've realized that trying to make a decision to stay or leave shanghai is like deciding whether to break up with someone or marry them.
in the midst of decision, every insignificant characteristic is magnified ... each a check on a never resolving list of pros and cons:
- nearly getting run off the road on my bike by mopeds who want to play chicken: go
- sharing a meal w/ amazing women from all over the world in my cooking class: stay
- getting hit in the face w/ random liquid while walking in the street: go
- meeting the smiling eyes of a worn and knowing local face: stay
- watching a woman ignored after a moped accident: go
- cheap and perfect pedi: stay
- fleas and water: go
- feeling helpless under the wrath of my mandarin teacher: go
- understanding a conversation in mandarin: stay
- opportunity for travel: stay
- longing for health and cleanliness: go
and so it goes ... and i've not even touched the career implications for both of us.
it's tiring, this place of swinging. do i commit to her ... with all her beauty and flaws? or do i go my own way ... knowing my life is more rich having known her?
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